Any time I write about my feelings on matrimony or being single and dating in Vancouver, you people come in droves to read my shit. And for this, I thank you. I promise this isn’t a cheap attempt to increase traffic to my blog, as I’m in the throngs of planning my own nuptials.

I remember shortly after the bf proposed in Brazil last year, a good friend of mine suggested that my blog content would be forever changed. Now that I’d be becoming someone’s wife and all. But alas, as I predicted then, it has not. So much so that I now write about sex for The Province and have barely touched upon being a bride in this blog. Until now.

When we returned from South America following our engagement, the first thing I did was look into securing a venue as all my married gal pals have said this should be the first item scratched off your list. We were looking for something edgy and modern in Gastown, our favorite Vancouver neighborhood, and we successfully snagged our spot. Since then everything has sort of fallen into place, until last week when we were notified that the asshole who owned the joint didn’t pay his bills and the landlord had locked him out, thus banishing us from our super cool wedding venue. Fuckity fuck.

Although it was a tad disappointing, I can’t say I was all that upset. Pissed that my parents have to fight for their $2,500 deposit? Yes. Pissed that my wedding vision had been all but destroyed? Not at all. And here’s why.

Today, a lot of weddings have maintained the same, cliché traditions decade after decade which I’ve always found bizarre. Why do weddings have to be so cookie-cutter? One of the main reasons we picked our Gastown locale was because it didn’t look at all like a traditional wedding venue. We also omitted many of the meticulous details that seem to stress out brides-to-be. Because we chose to keep it simple, having to move our wedding and reception to another address 10 weeks prior to our nuptials is no big deal. So to all the couples who are currently planning a wedding, here’s a list of things you can easily cut corners on:

Cake + cake cutting – Does anyone really enjoy watching two people feed each other cake?  And further, the moment you go from calling it a ‘cake’ to calling it a ‘wedding cake’, you may as well pile on an extra $1,000 and fuck loads of fondant. Just serve some of your favorite desserts and ditch the ritualistic cake-smashing-in-face-photo-opportunity.

Garter + bouquet toss – Why the hell are we still doing this? Oh sure, at age 33 I’m really going to ask all my 30-something single girlfriends to fight over some flowers in hopes that they’ll be next. How humiliating! Save yourself $20 and ditch the garter too.

Cut flowers + décor – Another huge waste of funds. Cut flowers are bad for the environment and mini lights should be reserved for Christmas – exclusively. I’ve yet to attend a wedding where the décor made the party that much better. I do, however, appreciate how bouquets and boutonnieres tie in a wedding party. A good friend of mine happens to be a talented floral designer, so we lucked out there.

Favors – Forget about favors. Everyone gets hammered and forgets to bring them home anyway.

Sit down dinner – I’m sure a lot of brides won’t budge on this one, but for me, having my friends and family segregated into sections with the same people for 2-3 hours of the night seems cruel. Why not let people mingle and visit while grazing on fabulous food and being served canapés and champagne, stand-up reception style?

Wedding party attire – I’m not saying that matchy matchy is good or bad, but I do think it’s unnecessary, especially for women. Who has a group of friends who are all the same height and body shape? I have 5 people in my wedding party, all of which rock their own style, so I gave them a color and left it up to them. As for the men, I’ve always preferred a well-tailored suit over a tuxedo, and in our case, the groomsmen can wear whatever suit they wish.

Invites – Waste of money, waste of time and wasteful in general. We live in the age of technology, people. Use it. It’s free and way easier to manage than waiting for RSVP cards to come back via snail mail. Do your invites electronically. Cost = $0.

Beware of Wedding Singers – When searching for a DJ, do not search ‘wedding DJ’ in Google. We searched for ‘DJ corporate events’ and landed a fabulous DJ who has agreed to play only what we’ve outlined on our playlist. No Macarena, no Locomotion, no exceptions.

Photographers – This has to be the biggest cash grab ever. I couldn’t believe some of the quotes we were getting! A lot of people these days can edit images and produce video footage on their own. Hire a friend, a student or an up-and-comer to shoot your wedding. Your friends will take photos, instagrams, twitpics, etc. and plaster them all over the web anyway.

Know of another way to save time, stress and cash while planning a wedding? Post a comment or shoot me a tweet @urbancowgirl